They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
