apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You were trust falling into bushes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
