i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
