Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
