I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
