one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
