...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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