This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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