His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
did i just pee glitter
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
