How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize