Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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