did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize