Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
