Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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