Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
