youre lurking in front of me
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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