can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need water and some morals
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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