Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
