Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
