First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
