i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
