I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
