It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
