i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
