oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
