How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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