I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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