I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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