come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
