You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
