What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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