I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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