This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
