I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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