THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
