I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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