from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
