if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
