Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
