I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
