now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
