I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
