i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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