When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
