all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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