im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
