Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
