we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
