Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
