he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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