why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
