And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
