Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Panties = found
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
