The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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