I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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