So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Michael Bay diarrhea
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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