I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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