oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
