Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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