My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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