Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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