did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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