its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
