The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
