Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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