oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize